Monday Night Confession

Yes, it has been a long time. I've gotten a few emails wondering. Oops! More than five weeks since I have posted to this blog, and if I am honest with you, actually much longer than that. (That is because I have to "fess up" that the last three weeks of entries were saved in bulk one Saturday when I had some time and set to auto-post. Sorry about that.)

I could tell you that the past 5-8 weeks has been chaotic. This would be true. Unfortunately, it would not be the real reason I haven't posted. There are many people who live lives far busier than my own who still manage to post regularly and integrate it into their daily lives.

So while I am confessing, I might as well be real with you here....

1. I haven't posted because I haven't felt like I really had anything interesting to say.
2. I have become a stubbornly independent person (not always a good thing) - those of you who knew me as a teenager would probably be surprised at how rarely I talk about anything serious with people, even when I know it would be a good thing.
3. I adore writing. Sometimes the easiest and best way for me to think through something is to write it out.
4. Because of #2 & #3, blogging feels at times like I am opening up my heart and soul for everybody to see and that's not exactly a comfortable feeling when I make a habit of not doing that, even when I could/should.
5. Around the time that I dropped off, work got busy. However, I was also involved in a Bible study where God really managed to convict me and batter away at my heart in a profound way. I am still seeking to listen to all that He was/is trying to reveal.
6. That time began with nothing but questions upon questions upon questions. How could I put those here? The only thing harder than sharing so openly is admitting that not only do I not have all the answers, at that particular moment, I didn't have ANY of them.

So, that's it folks. The battered, convicted, and absent heart that rests before you on this page. Now don't feel hurt or think I am suffering, because what God has been revealing to me is a good thing. It's a grand and life-changing thing. It has not come easily, though - it's brought many tears and more than a few humbling moments. It has challenged me to my core. But in it all, I have such a peace in knowing that God holds my every moment in His hands. Even more, God has loved, forgiven, and sought me out! How miraculous is that!!!

If I didn't know it before, this week has proven to me that God is doing a great thing, because I've been under attack with a couple of huge circumstances. Nothing dire or tragic, but certainly ones that I know are re-introduced with the intent to sidetrack me and get my focus off of Christ.

We all have defining moments ... the past two months will certainly be one of mine. Today I could not put any words to it that would do it justice. Someday, perhaps. Until then, I am resting in the faithful hands of my Father and trying not to figure it all out on my own. His answers are so much better. :-)

Until we meet again on these pages, know that I pray for each person who visits these pages - in fact, sometimes I wish there was a higher purpose for these pages like sharing your prayer requests with everyone. May God reveal to you the power of His grace, forgiveness, and love in a mind-blowing way today!!!

Wordless Wednesday #6

Wordless Wednesday #5

Fabulous Friday #4

It's FRIDAY!!! That means it's time for a spotlight on God's fabulous blessings!!

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I shared previously of my gratefulness for my Grandpa M, who was a dedicated Christian, army chaplain, pastor, husband, father, and so much more for his 80+ years.

Today, I wanted to share of my gratefulness for my other Grandpa, for whom I am equally grateful yet for different reasons. Grandpa S died just a little over a year ago, after a battle with a geriatric form of leukemia, and I miss him very much. He was a quiet man, but always thinking and learning.

Grandpa S lived in Friona, which is only about 90 miles from my childhood hometown. So we saw him and my Grandma S much more frequently than my Grandparents M in Tucson. My Grandpa S was a watchmaker and a jeweler; for many years, they owned the local jewelry store. I was always so proud when I watched my Grandpa work! Fortunately for them (and unfortunately for me), they retired when I was 10, thus circumventing my developing love for jewelry by selling out their stock. He was definitely a very smart man! I can picture him now wearing his headset loupe as he patiently worked on a watch or other piece of jewelry. When he pierced my ears the first - and second (sorry, Dad!) - times, I remember he approached it with the same calming, methodical patience.

My Grandpa S was also in the army. He fought in World War II, and actually had to hide in a foxhole for several days pretending to be dead after watching almost everyone around him be gunned down. By the time that he was able to escape, he had frost-bitten feet, a problem that plagued him for the rest of his life. I can't imagine the horrors that he faced, the fear he must have felt, the pain that he had to conquer - I didn't even know his real story from World War II until after his death. I knew bits and pieces that I'd heard from my Grandma or my Dad, but never the whole story from my Grandpa's point of view. Shortly after he died, I received from my Grandma a "story of my life" journal that I had begged my Grandpa to write in several years before, never thinking that he would do it ... to my surprise and great pleasure, he did write it, including his experiences in World War II.

Grandpa S was also an atheist. Quite a contrast to my Grandpa M! I never really knew why as a kid, only that he'd had a tough life and that because of that, he struggled to believe that God existed. I know more from his life after reading his journal, and it wasn't an easy life. I remember that the first time I ever saw my Grandpa set foot in a church was for my sister's wedding - even in all the years that my Mom had worked at our church, she'd always meet them in the parking lot when they came to town. Once I got into college and my Grandpa got sick, somehow I managed to sweet talk him into coming to the Candlelight service with us on Christmas Eve. He always seemed worried that he would not be dressed right or would not fit. Always something. A few more years went by, and amazingly, he began to meet my Grandma S at her church for worship service, and then eventually for Sunday School (it could be the other way around). Then came the Sunday I'd held my breath waiting for my whole life - my Grandpa asked Jesus into his heart! I will never forget the immense relief and gratitude I felt in this moment. By this time my Grandpa had already outlived his prognosis for his type of leukemia and was living on "borrowed time." I truly believe that God let him hang on without starting his steady decline until he believed. I miss my Grandpa S so much, but I am also so excited that I know I'll see him again in heaven! What I would have given to see the reunion between my Grandpa M and my Grandpa S in heaven! Two very different men, one shared eternity.

So I am thankful for the blessing of knowing my Grandpa S. He is a forever example to me that God is faithful. God cares, God loves us, and God doesn't give up on bringing us to His feet!!

Wordless Wednesday #4

Tabby Tuesday #4

A quick peek into the giggles and grins brought by the world's most terrific tabby cats, Tom & Jerry...

We know we're cute. :-)

Fabulous Friday #3

Fabulous Friday ... a day to focus on all the fantastic blessings of God!

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How could I not pause today to consider and be grateful for the wonderful sacrifice of Christ? I was the transgressor, the cause, the guilty ... and yet became the recipient, the beneficiary on Good Friday when Jesus paid the price for my sin.

Thank you, God, for your perfect plan. The unimaginable pain of giving your only Son to die only serves to demonstrate just how far-reaching Your love truly is. Wow! To think that we ever question that You care for us and want the very best for us!

Today alone would be such a devastating, crushing commemoration were it not for the knowledge of what came such a short time later - resurrection. As with every year, I am excited about celebrating the risen Savior come Sunday. Yet let me not fail to stop today and truly let my heart sit in all that encompassed the crucifixion of Christ. It is a painful focus - how much hurt Jesus must have faced that day, not just physically but emotionally. So many who loved Him denied Him on that day. How alone He must have felt hanging on that cross, but even then He was concerned only with those beside Him, with his mother Mary, with his disciples, with us. What great love.

Thank you, Christ, for your unfathomable sacrifice. I am humbled to the core to know that You loved us - You loved me - so very much.