What Right Have I?

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." ~Melody Beattie

What right have I to complain, to whine, or to feel discouraged? To do so would be to say to God, "I say that I have faith, but I do not fully trust You. This path You've chosen for me is not good enough for me." It would be as if to say, "You do not satisfy - I am looking for contentment in something apart from You."

To look at it that way brings a whole new perspective. I've been struggling through a period of discontent, a phase of impatience with a life that somehow seems to be on "pause." Yet the choice to view my life that way is mine and mine alone - if I choose to "pause" in life because this IS happening or this ISN'T happening, that is my mistake to own. God has passed every single breath, every moment of my life through His loving hands and has gifted me with it - what right do I have to squander it or gripe about the parts of it that I don't particularly like?

Sometimes I wonder if I am the only one who gets stuck in moments of focusing on what I don't have rather than what I do. It's so easy to get off track. Yet I am so blessed. I am healthy. I have a job that I love, even if right now is a stressful time. I was raised by two incredible Christian parents who are still together and who have always sought the best for me and from me. I have a wonderful sister who, in adulthood, has become one of my dearest friends. I have a brother-in-law who looks out for me in his own little "big brother" kind of way, and I have a spunky redheaded niece who makes me laugh and fills my heart with love. I have a loving church family, a home, pets, friends - truly, I have all that I need and much that I want. Why must I focus on what I don't have?

The truth is, I found myself wandering through a number of blogs today that told the stories of people I don't even know. Two recently lost their precious children to illness. One is recovering after a private plane crash caused burns to over 80% of her body. Others are facing family members or friends with illnesses, job losses, or any number of other struggles - yet even still, I was struck by the overwhelming sense of trust in God and surrender to the perfection of His plan no matter what. It put me to shame.

I bought a book Saturday called One Month to Live: Thirty Days to a No Regrets Life. Some in my church are studying it in fellowship groups, but I missed the start of that. I fought the draw to the book at first, thinking the title itself sounded so morbid. Yet God's voice kept pulling me closer and I know He wants me to look at things from a new perspective in coming days. The first line on the back of the book states: "Stop living like it doesn't matter." That just about says it all - I've been living with my finger on the pause button, taking it off for only moments at a time when something I wanted fell into place. It's time that I take my fingers off the controls altogether and fully live life NOW.

Since when?

The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy. ~Jim Rohn

(Picture me, stepping up on my soapbox now. There is no event to prompt my post tonight apart from what I've observed for quite some time now as an epidemic of "non-emotion" in the world around me. It's disturbing me, and tonight I felt the need to share about it.)

Since when has it become such a horrific thought to show emotion, to be sensitive, to be REAL? There seems to be an undercurrent nowadays that says to shed a tear is to be weak. I disagree. Now, I am not talking about a full-out blubbering mess that's embarrassing to all involved. I am talking about that freedom to be genuine with those around you. Some of the people whom I admire the most are ones who aren't afraid to, on occasion, let a tear slide down their cheek if they're touched by something or if they're truly grieved by a situation, whether it be their own or another's. I never have to wonder if those people are putting up a facade with the world - their hearts are transparent. By the same token, people who don't hesitate to laugh whole-heartedly or share their thoughts honestly also seem to be some of the healthiest.

If the standard was applied with balance, perhaps it would be more palatable to me. However, it's not. When's the last time that you saw someone lose his/her temper in public and thought, "My, that person is certainly weak?" Yet in my mind that is as much a weakness (if not more) than someone who shows sensitivity in public. Sensitivity rarely hurts those around you, but anger expressed nearly always does. How can that not be a moment of weakness? People who are confrontational, demeaning, or flat-out rude certainly may earn a reputation for themselves or be called choice names, but the adjective "weak" is rarely tied to them. In my book, those are the first people who should be labeled as weak because their emotional display is wounding through words or actions.

Personal opinions aside, my biggest argument with the push that I see in society to be uncaring and unsympathetic is that it contradicts the Jesus I love with my whole heart. I'll come back later and add in the scripture references to this later, but for now I am just typing what's been rumbling through my heart and mind to share tonight. Jesus wept!! I can think of at least two or three times that Jesus felt and expressed true sorrow - and shock ... He did not wait until He was isolated. He shared that sorrow with those around Him! Jesus got mad in the temple! (notice that it was a righteous anger) Jesus felt alone and abandoned in the Garden. He felt uncertain. Jesus felt disappointment by those closest to Him. Jesus felt and gave love. He felt human emotions and was our model through each and every one.

I'm not saying here that we should walk around showing any one emotion to a drastic extent. Emotion without balance is obviously unhealthy. But God did not create the full realm of emotions for no reason - He is a God of Purpose. I suppose I just wish that when we walk down the street, down the halls at work, through the rooms of the house, we would all have freedom to be truly real with one another.

With that, I'll step down from my soapbox, with a welcoming to you to agree or disagree with me on any or all points. But whatever you do, please just be real. :-)
Much love,
Sheryl