our time vs. His time

Do you ever struggle with patience or with trusting that God is working in a certain situation? God is ever faithful to do with and for us what He wills - WHEN He wills it. This summer has been one of me, yet again, forgetting that and, yet again, learning to embrace it.

~~~~~
"Even if the message is not fulfilled right away, wait patiently; for it will certainly come to pass - it will not arrive late." Habakkuk 2:3b (NET)
~~~~~

I've fought the battle of my timing in respect to God's timing nearly my whole adult life. Most frequently, it has reared its ugly head in relation to being single. For as long as I can remember, my biggest dream as a little girl was to be a good wife and mother - and yet as an adult, with few exceptions, I have watched all my friends get married and have children. Nearly all of them have two children by now, and several have more. While it has brought such joy to my heart to watch their marriages and families flourish, I'd be dishonest if I denied that there has been a bittersweet edge at certain moments that my own life hasn't yet followed that path.

Still, I know God has a wonderful and perfect plan for my life. As he says in Ecclesiastes 8:6 (NIV) "There is a proper time and procedure for everything." I have faith that He will bring marriage and family to my life when it is right. I've played the game of trying to finagle my way around His timing and instead force my time upon Him. While I have some wonderful memories of that time, I also know that I was not in God's will and as a result, encountered a lot of unnecessary pain and hurt (not to mention, years of time that I can never regain). So most of the time, my patience in His timing where this is concerned remains steadfast and my heart is trusting in Him.

But this summer brought a whole new test to my struggle to live within God's timing. Those of you who know me will realize that I am a little ... hmmm ... shall we just say organized? I like to have a plan. I like to know what to expect. I do not like surprises, unless I know they're coming (kind of defeats the purpose, huh?). I like knowing the processes, the reasons, the method to things - and when I don't, I feel somewhat bewildered and a tad stressed.

Thus began my summer. After several months mulling over and mentally planning my move to a new RENTAL home of some sort, I walked into the first weekend of summer with plans to attack the search on that Monday morning. That gave me most of June and a part of July to find a place to rent, all that time and the rest of July to pack, and if I paid double-rent so I could move in on August 1, I could be moved and settled in with plenty of time before returning to work on August 14th. All planned out and perfect - just like I like it.

Ahem. Of course you see it coming, right? God had other plans. His timing was NOT my own. Even more, His PLAN was not even my own. And He had no intention of allowing me to even put a single foot down on the path of MY plan before completely changing my course. On Monday morning, a few mere hours after discussing my plan of action with some friends at a picnic (while steadfastly defending my plan to rent and not buy, mind you), God orchestrated circumstances so that I was suddenly taking my first steps down the path of a first time home-buyer. By noon that day, I was preapproved for a loan and had an appointment to go look at houses with a realtor that afternoon. (Remember how I said that I don't like surprises - and I like to know what to expect? How I must amuse God sometimes!) Needless to say, I was probably more shocked than anyone at the sudden change in direction.

In my first few days, I was reassured by my realtor and my mortgage guy that if I found a house for sale under normal circumstances by the end of June and had an accepted offer, I could still be moving in August 1st and settled by the time school started. My realtor cautioned me against considering some houses on the list of sales within my price range because they were short sales, whose names are deceptive as they're anything BUT short. Ahem. Yep, you've got it. Despite my adament refusal to consider a short sale because it did not match MY timing, which house did I ultimately grow to love and put an offer in on ? Of course! A short sale.

With an accepted offer from the seller on June 17th, I settled in for a wait that is still not over - you see, the long part of the process is waiting for her bank, investor, etc. to get things all in order regarding any funds she may have available, the comparable prices of homes in the area, and so many other things - and only THEN does her bank decide to accept or reject my offer. 67 days later, and I still sit waiting. Now I know my offer is a strong one and chances are good that this house will be mine - but I do not know that DEFINITIVELY.

The time between about June 17 - July 25th was the hardest span, because in this span I heard almost NOTHING. I wish I could tell you that I spent this time praying and trusting in God's timing. I didn't. Don't get me wrong - I prayed fervently, but I failed to trust. It was so frustrating to sit and know nothing - all the while knowing that my apartment lease ended August 31. On July 1st, I had to give my 60 days notice to vacate without knowing what I would do come Sept. 1 if I was not in a house.

Not having a plan was a challenge ... by July 31st, I knew that I would not be able to move directly into my house from my apartment and had to come up with a Plan B. Something about finally "knowing" that much at least brought some measure of comfort.

But the time since has been the most rewarding to me, because I finally realized that my time is imperfect, but God's timing is absolutely perfect. At the APPOINTED time, each facet of my life will be revealed - and God alone knows when that will be. God will never, ever be late in anything. But sometimes I think we forget that this also means that He will not be early, either. When this phase in my journey to home ownership is complete, God will wrap His loving arms around me and walk with me into the next phase - but He will do it in His perfect time. And for one of the first times in my life, I am truly, deeply okay with that. I'm still the same plan-loving, non-risk-taking, surprise-fearing gal that I always was - yet the last three weeks has brought a peace of mind and a calm that I've rarely experienced. What a lightening of the load it is to know that God Himself holds every single detail of my life in His loving, perfect hands.

~~~~~
But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, "You are my God." My times are in Your hands; deliver me from my enemies and from those who pursue me. Psalm 31:14-15 (NIV)
~~~~~

God, Thank you so much for being a God of details. I am so glad to know that You care about every tidbit in my life, and that You understand my sometimes untrusting, impatient heart. I am sorry for sometimes trying to force my time onto life's path - please remain with me, helping me to trust in YOUR time - your perfect and loving time. Help us all to do more of that and less of running our own paths, wasting precious moments, fretting over details that You've already worked out.

Lessons Learned

Some time ago, when God really convicted me at a Bible study, I began to feel like this was going to be a huge summer for me. Outwardly, apart from the home-buying adventure, there has been no drama. Yet somehow amidst all of that, God has really revealed a lot of lessons to my heart and mind. I'll share a few of them with you in the hopes that perhaps he will speak to your heart somehow, too:

1. Contentment and faith are perhaps the two biggest struggles in my life, and perhaps in many Christians' lives. Also, the two often go hand-in-hand. When we are not content, often it is because we do not have unwavering faith that God knows what is best and will provide for it. When we do not have faith, discontent often sneaks in.
2. I need to learn to ask for help when I need it! This is an okay thing.
3. I've learned that it really annoys me when people, no matter who they are, presume to tell me how I think or feel about something. It seems to me this is like they're saying they have the "inside scoop" to my heart and mind while I, on the other hand, am in the dark. I'm working at not showing my extreme irritation when they do this. :-)
   
4. I've realized that I still have a tendency to want to please everyone, yet the only One who truly matters is God. If I am following Him and seeking His path for me, I am right where I should be. Besides, it is impossible to please everyone!

I am sure there are many more lessons learned, both that I've chosen to leave unspoken and that just haven't come to mind tonight, but for now, those are the ones that have really been closest to me over the past few weeks.

Giggles, Tears, and Uh-Oh Moments

Here are some random moments from the summer. I'll let you decide to which category they belong:

• Observing my niece dancing along while watching "So You Think You Can Dance," using the folding two-step ladder as her partner. It was definitely a sight to behold. Although I was sitting five feet away, she was in her own world and obviously had no idea I was watching. (How could I not?)
• Finishing Firefly Lane in the wee hours of the morning and realizing just how connected to the characters I had become.
• Realizing that when the cats went on their wild rampage chase through the apartment and knocked over the potpourri tart burner on the counter, the counter was not the only thing that got wax on it. Ever tried to get a 3"x1" strip of cooled, solidly stuck wax off a cat's front paw?
  
• Taking my niece to Medieval Times and realizing just how quickly she's growing up as I noticed the extreme blushing after our Red Knight presents her with the "Queen of Love and Beauty" sash. Too cute.
• Hearing a gigantic crash from the kitchen early one Saturday morning while in the shower (with a head full of lathered shampoo, mind you). Then, realizing the crash was one of the decorative jars on top of the cabinets above the refrigerator that had fallen to the linoleum floor. Note: it is not often that a ceramic jar falls from that height to a hard floor and DOES NOT break or even.
  
• Realizing in a single moment that nothing has really changed over the years, though you thought (hoped?) that perhaps it had.
• Stepping out in faith that everything that's "out-of-order" right now in this oh-so organized and risk-phobic person's life will somehow work out all right.
  

Whoa, what a ride. My house-buying adventure so far.

When summer began, I was adamant that I would be renting a new place come August - whether it be a house or townhouse, I didn't care. But it would be as a rental. Little did I know that God was working things out to catapult me into buying a house almost overnight.

The "how" and "why" is irrelevant now, but suffice it to say that my conversion into the ranks of home-buyer instead of renter was shocking and moved much more quickly than I, a person who does not like to take risks when I do not know the plan, was quite ready for. However, it was unmistakeable that this was what I needed to do, so although it felt like I was jumping off the highest cliff and into the deepest ocean, I made the leap and abandoned the rental process. In a matter of hours, all the plans I'd made for that situation for weeks and weeks were thrown to the side with never a second thought. Wow!

I've no doubt that buying a house is stressful for anyone, but I will admit that I am still fearful about it as a single woman. It's all those things that I know nothing about, that I can't anticipate, and that I can't necessarily plan for. Then, too, it is a matter of always having to wonder if a repairman or whomever is trying to pull one over on me - kind of like taking my car to the shop! Hmmm...wonder if God's push into this direction for me has something to do with my struggle to trust Him - for EVERYTHING?

Here's what the road so far has held for me:

• Found a HUD house I loved. Bid on it. Came in 2nd place by $863 and was devastated.
  
• Found another house I liked - this time a short sale (where the seller is going to have to sell it for less than they owe). Why can't I find and fall in love with NORMAL homes for sale??
• Made an offer on the short sale house. The seller accepted on June 17th. Still waiting to hear from her bank/lender on my offer since they're the ones who really matter in the deal. Suffice it to say that there is nothing "short" about a short sale. This is the long part of the process ... once the bank and I have an executed contract, I should be closing within a month. Please pray with me that this part of the process comes to an end quickly!
• In the meantime, the HUD house offer came back to me as 2nd place bidder - VERY unusual for it to happen so late. Ultimately, after another walk-through, I declined the offer. Even though it would have me moved in by the end of August, there was just so much that needed to be done to that house before moving in. It was a tough decision to make as this was really the first house I fell in love with, but it was the right choice.
• Turned in my 60 days notice at my apartments. My lease is up August 31st, and I am required to notify them in writing 60 days before if I didn't plan to renew (so by July 1). I am taking a leap of faith here, because I have no guarantees that I'll be able to move into my new house by then, but staying here any longer is NOT an option. I am very ready to be out of this management and complex. Love the apartment layout, but everything else has just become a miserable situation. So, I turned in my notice. We'll see what happens!
• Listened to WAY more helpful advice than my brain could possibly hold. Everybody has an opinion, and everybody wants you to hear it - and some want you to agree with every opinion they have!
  
• Began packing, packing, packing. I am NOT a last minute person and have been packing as many boxes as I can ahead of time so I don't feel a crunch in August, especially given that I'll be back to work then.
• Started considering a "contingency plan" for what to do if my lease ends and I have not yet closed on my new house. Scary stuff! But, planning for possibilities tends to make me feel better about it.
• After taking everything off my walls, I spackled and painted all the nail holes in the walls (with some help from my eager niece while she visited). It's amazing how just that one act can make me feel like my time in this place is actually close to an end.
• Cleaned my bathroom from top to bottom, including baseboards and all that grout. Note to self: never, never, never live in a place with carpeting in the bathroom again. Even if you are a fastidious cleaner and organizer like I am, still, it is gross. (Yes, I did go look at the pictures for the house I like. Tile. I'm safe.)
• Finally found the right stove drip pans for my stovetop, because I am NOT going to let the apartment management charge me $20 PER pan (yes, you read that right) for a set that only cost $10. Woo hoo!
• Watched my 2 cats observe all the packing and cleaning with great curiosity, mixed with a little suspicion. Who knew it was so fun to create-your-own chase path through all the boxes and such?

So that's where things stand at the moment. I am truly ready to hear back from the seller's bank/lender about my offer. I know they've finished the broker price opinion, which I can only assume is a good thing.

If you will, please pray for me on the following:

• That I have an executed contract before July 31 so that I can hopefully be closed and moved by August 31.
  
• That I don't have to store all my things and camp out with friends during any "interim" time. Though I know I have some willing friends, it would mean not just storing my things, but also rerouting mail and, most of all, taking my cats up to Amarillo to be with my parents for however long. Not only do I not want to be without them, but it's also two long weekend trips during a time frame that I really can't afford to be gone all weekend.
• That I will remain feeling the same peace I've felt the last two weeks, despite the concerns about the timing and everything.

I'll keep you all updated as things develop!

Once Upon a Summer...

So I realized tonight that it has been over a month since I have posted anything, and what I did post was written during a really rough patch of time. Sorry about that, friends!

Summer has marched on and now, here we are, over halfway through it and I haven't yet caught my breath. Unbelievable to think that a month from tomorrow is my first "official" day back to work for our staff retreat. (BTW, if I hear any snide comments about teachers getting summers off, I will probably vomit. Repeatedly. If you only knew.)

Still, it's been a good summer - though fast and right now, HOT. I didn't plan any big trips this summer, which is OK with me. Sometimes it's just better to stay put. Maybe next summer! Not necessarily in sequential order, summer thus far has included:

• A relatively sudden decision to buy a house. Oh my! I started the summer planning to move to a new rental situation by summer's end, but my course changed direction quickly and dramatically. Update post on that to come in the next day or two.
  
• Administering Credit By Exam & Exam of Acceleration to students - I get the CBE for older kids, but why, WHY try to skip a trade early on? As an upper elementary teacher, I don't get it.
• Saw lots of good movies, some with friends and some catching up at home!
• Lots of great catch-up lunches and dinners with friends I don't see nearly often enough!
• Dogsat and/or housesat for a couple of different people. Fun times!
• Welcomed my parents into town and with them, worked at the Youth Evangelism Conference, where we've been working for about 20 years! Not only is it a great time to see my parents; it's also a great time to see old friends who are almost like family.
• On the same weekend, saw my brother-in-law, sister, and niece as they drove up to send my niece back home with my parents for a week.
• The next week, picked my niece up at the airport for a week with her aunt! We did SO much and had a blast together: American Girl Store, Studio Movie Grill, Ice Age 3, Hannah Montana Movie, Medieval Times, PJ/Movie day, Barbies, painting pottery, magic tricks, and more!
• Read lots of great books! I love summer reading.
• Reformatted my PC. Had to be done - that's all I can say about that. But, glad it's done now.
• Took my vacuum cleaner apart until I found the clog that was keeping it from working. Yay, me!
• Tried desperately to begin catching up on reading magazines. I subscribe, and then never read them. I have stowed them away until they're too numerous to conquer. I'm trying though.
• Tried to stay cool in this horrible heat! If it's like this already, August scares me!
• Watched way too much TV.
• FINALLY joined the ranks of iPhone addicts. Why did I wait so long? Yet another technology addiction for me to add to the list.
• Went walking with a friend from work as often as our schedules would allow - I have enjoyed that time! We have had a couple of weeks of schedule conflicts, but I have been trying to walk event when we couldn't.

I think that's about it. There could be more, but it's escaping me at the moment!!

Soon to come - some laughs and uh-ohs from the summer, and a house-buying update!

Monday Night Confession

Yes, it has been a long time. I've gotten a few emails wondering. Oops! More than five weeks since I have posted to this blog, and if I am honest with you, actually much longer than that. (That is because I have to "fess up" that the last three weeks of entries were saved in bulk one Saturday when I had some time and set to auto-post. Sorry about that.)

I could tell you that the past 5-8 weeks has been chaotic. This would be true. Unfortunately, it would not be the real reason I haven't posted. There are many people who live lives far busier than my own who still manage to post regularly and integrate it into their daily lives.

So while I am confessing, I might as well be real with you here....

1. I haven't posted because I haven't felt like I really had anything interesting to say.
2. I have become a stubbornly independent person (not always a good thing) - those of you who knew me as a teenager would probably be surprised at how rarely I talk about anything serious with people, even when I know it would be a good thing.
3. I adore writing. Sometimes the easiest and best way for me to think through something is to write it out.
4. Because of #2 & #3, blogging feels at times like I am opening up my heart and soul for everybody to see and that's not exactly a comfortable feeling when I make a habit of not doing that, even when I could/should.
5. Around the time that I dropped off, work got busy. However, I was also involved in a Bible study where God really managed to convict me and batter away at my heart in a profound way. I am still seeking to listen to all that He was/is trying to reveal.
6. That time began with nothing but questions upon questions upon questions. How could I put those here? The only thing harder than sharing so openly is admitting that not only do I not have all the answers, at that particular moment, I didn't have ANY of them.

So, that's it folks. The battered, convicted, and absent heart that rests before you on this page. Now don't feel hurt or think I am suffering, because what God has been revealing to me is a good thing. It's a grand and life-changing thing. It has not come easily, though - it's brought many tears and more than a few humbling moments. It has challenged me to my core. But in it all, I have such a peace in knowing that God holds my every moment in His hands. Even more, God has loved, forgiven, and sought me out! How miraculous is that!!!

If I didn't know it before, this week has proven to me that God is doing a great thing, because I've been under attack with a couple of huge circumstances. Nothing dire or tragic, but certainly ones that I know are re-introduced with the intent to sidetrack me and get my focus off of Christ.

We all have defining moments ... the past two months will certainly be one of mine. Today I could not put any words to it that would do it justice. Someday, perhaps. Until then, I am resting in the faithful hands of my Father and trying not to figure it all out on my own. His answers are so much better. :-)

Until we meet again on these pages, know that I pray for each person who visits these pages - in fact, sometimes I wish there was a higher purpose for these pages like sharing your prayer requests with everyone. May God reveal to you the power of His grace, forgiveness, and love in a mind-blowing way today!!!

Wordless Wednesday #6

Wordless Wednesday #5

Fabulous Friday #4

It's FRIDAY!!! That means it's time for a spotlight on God's fabulous blessings!!

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I shared previously of my gratefulness for my Grandpa M, who was a dedicated Christian, army chaplain, pastor, husband, father, and so much more for his 80+ years.

Today, I wanted to share of my gratefulness for my other Grandpa, for whom I am equally grateful yet for different reasons. Grandpa S died just a little over a year ago, after a battle with a geriatric form of leukemia, and I miss him very much. He was a quiet man, but always thinking and learning.

Grandpa S lived in Friona, which is only about 90 miles from my childhood hometown. So we saw him and my Grandma S much more frequently than my Grandparents M in Tucson. My Grandpa S was a watchmaker and a jeweler; for many years, they owned the local jewelry store. I was always so proud when I watched my Grandpa work! Fortunately for them (and unfortunately for me), they retired when I was 10, thus circumventing my developing love for jewelry by selling out their stock. He was definitely a very smart man! I can picture him now wearing his headset loupe as he patiently worked on a watch or other piece of jewelry. When he pierced my ears the first - and second (sorry, Dad!) - times, I remember he approached it with the same calming, methodical patience.

My Grandpa S was also in the army. He fought in World War II, and actually had to hide in a foxhole for several days pretending to be dead after watching almost everyone around him be gunned down. By the time that he was able to escape, he had frost-bitten feet, a problem that plagued him for the rest of his life. I can't imagine the horrors that he faced, the fear he must have felt, the pain that he had to conquer - I didn't even know his real story from World War II until after his death. I knew bits and pieces that I'd heard from my Grandma or my Dad, but never the whole story from my Grandpa's point of view. Shortly after he died, I received from my Grandma a "story of my life" journal that I had begged my Grandpa to write in several years before, never thinking that he would do it ... to my surprise and great pleasure, he did write it, including his experiences in World War II.

Grandpa S was also an atheist. Quite a contrast to my Grandpa M! I never really knew why as a kid, only that he'd had a tough life and that because of that, he struggled to believe that God existed. I know more from his life after reading his journal, and it wasn't an easy life. I remember that the first time I ever saw my Grandpa set foot in a church was for my sister's wedding - even in all the years that my Mom had worked at our church, she'd always meet them in the parking lot when they came to town. Once I got into college and my Grandpa got sick, somehow I managed to sweet talk him into coming to the Candlelight service with us on Christmas Eve. He always seemed worried that he would not be dressed right or would not fit. Always something. A few more years went by, and amazingly, he began to meet my Grandma S at her church for worship service, and then eventually for Sunday School (it could be the other way around). Then came the Sunday I'd held my breath waiting for my whole life - my Grandpa asked Jesus into his heart! I will never forget the immense relief and gratitude I felt in this moment. By this time my Grandpa had already outlived his prognosis for his type of leukemia and was living on "borrowed time." I truly believe that God let him hang on without starting his steady decline until he believed. I miss my Grandpa S so much, but I am also so excited that I know I'll see him again in heaven! What I would have given to see the reunion between my Grandpa M and my Grandpa S in heaven! Two very different men, one shared eternity.

So I am thankful for the blessing of knowing my Grandpa S. He is a forever example to me that God is faithful. God cares, God loves us, and God doesn't give up on bringing us to His feet!!

Wordless Wednesday #4

Tabby Tuesday #4

A quick peek into the giggles and grins brought by the world's most terrific tabby cats, Tom & Jerry...

We know we're cute. :-)

Fabulous Friday #3

Fabulous Friday ... a day to focus on all the fantastic blessings of God!

~~~~~

How could I not pause today to consider and be grateful for the wonderful sacrifice of Christ? I was the transgressor, the cause, the guilty ... and yet became the recipient, the beneficiary on Good Friday when Jesus paid the price for my sin.

Thank you, God, for your perfect plan. The unimaginable pain of giving your only Son to die only serves to demonstrate just how far-reaching Your love truly is. Wow! To think that we ever question that You care for us and want the very best for us!

Today alone would be such a devastating, crushing commemoration were it not for the knowledge of what came such a short time later - resurrection. As with every year, I am excited about celebrating the risen Savior come Sunday. Yet let me not fail to stop today and truly let my heart sit in all that encompassed the crucifixion of Christ. It is a painful focus - how much hurt Jesus must have faced that day, not just physically but emotionally. So many who loved Him denied Him on that day. How alone He must have felt hanging on that cross, but even then He was concerned only with those beside Him, with his mother Mary, with his disciples, with us. What great love.

Thank you, Christ, for your unfathomable sacrifice. I am humbled to the core to know that You loved us - You loved me - so very much.

Truth-Filled Thursday #3

Wordless Wednesday #3

Tabby Tuesday #3

A quick peek into the giggles and grins brought by the world's most terrific tabby cats, Tom & Jerry...

We love the sink!

Meaningful Monday #1

Mondays are always tough days for me. I don't know why I have such trouble getting a new week started, but for some reason, I always seem to start the day in a "blah" mood. As I've been praying this weekend, I realized that perhaps a shift in me was needed to get the week started in a more God-centered frame of mind ... perhaps a shift to starting my week solely focused on praying for others and their needs. Thus begins "Meaningful Mondays."

This morning, my heart and prayers rested here:

• with my IRL friends Jaime & Melissa, who are trying to adopt from China. Their dossier has been sent and they're now awaiting a "Log In" date
  
• with my IRL friends Carla and Heath, that God would do great things in their sweet baby Garrett's life this week: http://www.icenhower-family.blogspot.com/
  
• with Stellan, his momma MckMama and his family, from a relatively new blog I've been reading (I think she started "Not Me!" Mondays, by the way). Stellan is in his third week in PICU with some serious heart troubles. Please pray that God would guide the doctors in his treatment this week, and give his parents peace and rest.
  

• with my IRL friend Suzanne and a situation in her family - may God smooth the path ahead
• with my IRL friend J, that J would turn over real needs to God and let God work it all out
• with Angie and Todd Smith, who lost their sweet baby girl, Audrey Caroline, a year ago on Tuesday. I randomly stumbled on their blog on Friday night and was captured instantly by their story and their faith in God - I stayed up into the wee hours of the morning to backtrack all the way to the beginning and read forward. I laughed, I cried, I sobbed, I celebrated with them, and I mourned with them.
  

• with Cindy Foote, who writes blog I've been following
  (http://www.adoptingaria.blogspot.com/) They're awaiting an adoption referral for a little girl from Ethiopia. Right now they are #2 on the list!

Savoring the Savior #2

“I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.”
Philippians 4:11

Contentment is such an elusive state of mind. Why? Why is it that we rebel against a God who is perfect, who is all-knowing, and who has our very best in mind? We rebel and instead take our lives into our own hands, weaving our own plans, all the while reaching but not grasping that ever-elusive contentment.

Yet contentment is not attainable apart from living centered in God’s will. God is faithful. God is faithful – no matter what! We must rest in that confidence, and only then will contentment envelop us.

“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”
Proverbs 19:21

In a sense then, our contentment is directly proportionate to our obedience. God does say in Romans 8:28 that “in all things God works for the good” but it is followed by “for those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” The love here is active – how do we show love? One way is to obey Him. We obey Him by leaving our lives in His hands and trusting Him with the outcome. We trust God to meet our very deepest needs. Only He can do that – no one and nothing else. When that happens, contentment blossoms.

When we begin to feel the chords of discontent strumming in our hearts, we must ask ourselves – am I desiring now whatever God wants – what is His will, or am I lost in desiring what I want at this time? As we grow in relation to God, the two are often reflections of one another; yet the moment we take our eyes off God and lose focus on Him as our sole source of contentment, too often our “wants” shift as well.

Godliness with contentment is great gain.
1 Timothy 6:6

Holy Father, help us (help ME) to focus on you, to embrace that only you can reach into the depths of my heart and meet my every need in Your perfect way. Help me to have complete confidence in Your plans for my life. When those plans don’t seem to be a reflection of my wants, please help me to understand that means I have taken my eyes off of You.

“Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
Psalm 73:25-26

Sassy Saturday #2

I'm not in "sassy" form today (that's probably a good thing!) ... perhaps a whole day devoted to soapboxes and sass is not necessary in the grand scheme of life. Last Saturday's post was one that had been rolling around in my brain for many weeks (months? years?), and it felt great to finally just put it out there. Likely I should rethink this Saturday endeavor and revisit it only when the sassy whim descends upon me. :-)

So today I'll just leave you with my wishes that YOU have had a simply sassy Saturday!

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Have A Sassy Saturday

Fabulous Friday #2

(Please pretend that I really posted this on Friday - it was a busy day yesterday and by the time I got home, I was ready to just crash!) :-)

Today is a fabulous day because I am blessed. Every day, I am blessed, but I wanted to reserve a day to be certain that I really focused on those blessings.

Today, I wanted to express my gratitude for my job and for a boss who knew just the perfect "niche" for me. I've moved into a new role this year, and I absolutely love it. Don't get me wrong - I adore teaching and for ten years, loved the thrill of learning new things alongside my students. I loved my 4th and 5th graders, teaching them, nurturing them, and laughing with them. Yet over the years the list of my "other" duties began to grown, and soon enough, it was overwhelming my task list. Last year was a struggle for me as I felt like I couldn't do anything on my task list to the best of my ability, and that made me sad. I knew that my students were not getting the very best from me, and yet I didn't have any more to give them either.

As I prayed through this, God helped me to see that the chances of those "other" type duties decreasing in continuing years was slim - I lean toward organizational, leadership activities and it's hard to not suddenly find myself surrounded by them. He also began to whisper to my heart that, over 10 years of teaching, all 4 principals I'd served under had tried to tell me that they thought I would eventually step into some other role beyond the classroom. All along the way, I refused their vision, claiming that I loved the classroom and would be in it for my entire career in some form or fashion. I refused it most because I don't think that administration is a job that I would thrive upon (then again, I've been proven wrong many times). God just nudged my heart to be open to possibilities.

Sure enough, one day in early February last year, I was meeting with my principal and expressed some of my restlessness. In that moment, I was overwhelmed by God's graciousness and His perfect plan - Ardath shared with me a position that the district was creating, described a little bit of it to me, and asked if I would be interested in it. I responded that I definitely was.

In the 7-8 weeks that followed, I continued to pray over it, and the ball rolled along at the district as the new position was officially created and approved. Problem was that the position had to be "rolled out" over a 2 year course, and my school was in the 2nd year. I was devastated at first, but then hopeful because my principal is a determined force, and she went forward with a creative plan to still be able to have me in that position for this year. Right around the first week of May last year, she got the "go ahead" and we celebrated it!! The caveat was that my role would be half-time ESL teacher and half-time in this new role, Campus Intervention Specialist (CIS).

I have loved it!! ESL has been a phenomenal experience because not only was it a great way to still have some direct involvement with students as an adjustment phase from years of having 90-120 5th graders in the course of a day. It has also been another wonderful learning opportunity! The CIS position was at first tapered down to be truly 50% of the job description since I was juggling two roles ... however those of you who know me realize that I crave challenges, and it was probably six weeks into the year (okay, um ... two?) before I had the entirety of the role in my lap again (and gladly so).

It's made for a busy year - juggling a job and a half, essentially. Yet I have truly loved (almost) every moment of it. I am just so very overwhelmed by a principal who knows me well enough - perhaps better than I did at the moment - to know that I would love this position. Not everyone gets great satisfaction out of organizing things, after all. At least, not enough satisfaction to be content enough in that place of the "teacher heart" to be simultaneously content with a more indirect involvement in helping students. So today I'm thanking God for my boss - may He bless her for her vision and her passion.

But I would be remiss not to say that I am far more grateful for God, who orchestrated all things according to His plan for me, and who perfectly orchestrated each step along the way to guide me into and keep me on the right path. I am so blessed.

Truth-Filled Thursday #2

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

Proverbs 4:23
(NIV)

~~~~~

I am so humbled by this verse, because as an emotions-driven person, I fail miserably at guarding my heart as regularly as I succeed. How true it is, though; from our heart springs everything. In the days when I am not guarding my heart and it is invaded by jealousy, bitterness, sadness, anger, or even just plain distraction or busyness, it is obvious because the wellspring that pours out from me is tainted with those things. Yet when my heart is focused on and set apart for God, the wellspring of my life evidences that as well. I pray that I will place my heart in God's hands and allow Him to guard it. May He be my one and only hearts' desire.

Wordless Wednesday #2

Tabby Tuesday #2

A quick peek into the giggles and grins brought by the world's most terrific tabby cats, Tom & Jerry...

Then and Now

"Not Me!" Monday #2

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

**P.S. Just a side note, one of MckMama's children, Stellan, is critically ill and in the hospital. I've only recently found her blog and somewhat caught up, but her little boy is having some serious heart complications that began even while he was in utero. Even if you don't hop over to her blog, please say a prayer for this sweet baby and his family today!**

~~~~~~

In the past week, I most certainly did not:

• watch too much TV
• weep after I had to tell a friend I could not support some current, very unhealthy decisions
• catch up on laundry, including the despise task of putting it away
• reconnect with several old friends with whom I hadn't spoken in years
• get a haircut and highlights
• battle sinus headaches with all the weather changes
  
• enjoy dinner with some great friends
• oversleep for church Sunday morning after somehow turning off my alarm
• wistfully miss my hometown of Amarillo during its Friday blizzard
• read the first half of My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult
• congratulate a sweet friend on her engagement
• dust, vacuum, and tidy up

Savoring the Savior

Pausing on the Sabbath to recognize and be grateful for God, His creation, and all the wonderful things He's doing!

~~~~~
March 29, 2009 - Savoring The Simple Things
~~~~~
God has given me so much more than I could ever need, and yet too often I find myself focusing on the things I DON'T have or the things I want instead. Today, my heart has been overwhelmed with the conviction to look around me with gratefulness for all the "simple things" that God has either surrounded me with naturally or given me the means to obtain.

• Looking out the window ... the sun is shining again, the wind is calm, and spring is peeking out again
• I am thinking ... about how grateful I am for good friends
• From my kitchen ... a tall glass of cold milk. Yum!
• I am thankful for ... the ways technology has helped to connect me to friends, both old and new
• Coziness ... my favorite black sweats, teal tank, white sweat jacket, and comfy socks
• Favorite things that surround me today ... super plush blanket, lotion, scented candles
  
• I am reading ... My Sister's Keeper (and have a massive stack of books to follow)
• I am praying ... that God will continue to quiet my heart and make His will for me known
• Laughter ... soothes the heart and rejuvenates the soul
• I am hoping ... that it will be a productive week - and that Friday will return quickly
• Holding close to my heart ... the dream to be a wife and mommy
• God is telling me ... that I need to invest as much time reading His word as I do reading other things. Ouch! :-)
• Simple pleasures ... my cats curling up beside me and purring, unexpected letters or emails from friends, worship music, blankets, books, ... and oh, so much more!

Thank you, Lord, for all that you have blessed me with in life, both tangible and intangible. How could I possibly ask for more? Please help my heart to be constantly aware of Your presence in my life, your blessings, and your wonderful ways of working in me.

Sassy Saturday #1

Today's topic: What NOT to say to your single friends

"Why aren't you married yet?"

"You are SO lucky!!"

"Your life is SO much simpler as a single."
(Um, no. No. No. I'm not saying it's any more complex. It's just not any simpler either.)

"You just haven't met the right one yet."
(Duh.)

"It will happen when you're not even looking for it."

"I know this guy/girl. S/He's single too. You two should meet."
(Because two single people are automatically a match and nothing else matters? Surely you remember that's not how it works!)

"I just WISH I could be single again."
(Yeah, we believe you. Or not.)

"God is still working on him/you. Just wait patiently."
(Implying that one of us is extremely messed up, thus that's why it's taking so long? Thanks.)

~~~~~

Disclaimer: I am contentedly single (most of the time). I do hope that God has marriage in store for me, and I have great faith in the plan that God has for my life AND His perfect timing. Therefore no insult or offense is intended in sharing these statements, nor am I saying that none of them hold any truth. Even the best-intended statements above, while perhaps semi-reassuring as a college student, become meaningless "token" replies as a mid-20s single. And as a 30-something single who's heard each one at least a thousand times, it ultimately reinforces the isolation of very few understanding what it's like to be 30+ and single. Encouraging words like "I'm praying for you" and "I can't wait to see the incredible love story God has in store for you" are so much more reassuring and cherished to that 25+, 30+, 40+ single than those words that somehow make them feel isolated by that chasm of singleness.

Fabulous Friday #1

It's FRIDAY!!! That means it's time for a spotlight on God's fabulous blessings!!

Today, I want to share my thankfulness for my Grandpa M, who has been walking in heaven for just under 15 years now. I miss him SO much. He and my Grandma lived in Tucson for as long as I can remember, so I did not get to see them very frequently as a kid; however, that made the visits I did have precious and memorable.

I loved so much about my Grandpa - he had a way of making a person feel like they were the only one in the room when he was talking to you. I remember him patiently watching while I climbed the lone tree in their yard (the cacti weren't really good climbing material), encouraging me along the way. I remember working with him in his vegetable garden in the backyard, and having fun when we came in making "vegetable people" from our pickings.

Most of all, though, I loved the way that he loved God. My Grandpa was a retired army chaplain, who served his country faithfully during World War II and after, attaining the rank of Lieutenant Colonel. Later, he worked as pastor and chaplain, faithfully serving God even years after his "retirement." I know he retired, but it seems that he was still doing something to serve God up until he became so sick.

My Grandpa was a quiet man, and so when he spoke, everybody listened because we knew what he had to say was important. I can't remember ever hearing a word of complaint coming from my Grandpa. I am sure it did, but I can't recall it, which to me is indicative of the gentle positive spirit with which he approached life. He was humble, loyal, and oh-so kind. How did this precious man manage to keep his head and spirit always lifted toward God, even when life was tough? Oh, how I wish that he'd lived long enough for me to truly appreciate and seek some of his words of wisdom for living a life fully devoted to God.

If I silence the world around me, especially at Christmas time, I can almost hear his voice reading the story of Christ's birth. It was tradition in the M house on Christmas morning to read that story together so our hearts would be in tune with the real celebration of the day. Of course as a child, I was impatient and wanted to get to the gifts, but as I grew older, I savored the moments of hearing him read the story. His voice always seemed to crack at certain points of the story, and in those moments he was so transparent you could almost read his mind spinning with gratitude for a Father who loved us enough to give us His beloved Son, and for a Son who loved us enough to step into human form. What I would give to sit beside him just one more time and hear him read those words.

My Grandpa M was a tremendous man of God and a loving, giving grandfather. I will miss him dearly until the time comes, but I am so blessed in the confidence that I will one day be reunited with my sweet Grandpa.

P.S. I can't finish this post without saying that each of my other 3 Grandparents has been just as instrumental in my life in various ways, and I am certain I will share about them at some point. It's just that I had my Grandpa M on my mind today, so I couldn't let the moment to share a glimpse of him with the world pass me by.

Truth-Filled Thursday #1

I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace.
In this world you will have trouble.
But take heart!
I have overcome the world.

John 16:33
(NIV)


What an encouragement this verse is in ALL times. It's always struck me that God doesn't say "if" you have trouble. He says you WILL have trouble. Even so, God is far bigger any absolutely any trouble that might come our way. So even in those moments when troubles seem too much to bear or too heavy to handle, peace and strength comes in knowing that God is more powerful than any of it. Now in life is good for me - nothing aside from normal annoyances and such - but I've walked through my fair share of troubled times, and as a result, every single day this verse inspires me and brings me endless peace because God is enough. He is enough!

Wordless Wednesday #1

Tabby Tuesday #1

A quick peek into the giggles and grins brought by the world's most terrific tabby cats, Tom & Jerry...

A Fresh Start ... snuggled up under the Christmas tree as precious, living gifts.

"Not Me" Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

~~~~~~

In celebration of "Not me!" Monday as well as the first day back to the grind after a glorious nine days of spring break, here are my reflections on the past week:

I most certainly did not....
~ Stay up until past 2 AM almost every night.
~ Sleep in till 8 almost every morning. (Where are the days of youth when I could sleep till noon?)
~ Read Jodi Picoult's newest book plus several others
~ Send my sister a 40th birthday present.
~ Open so many new blog windows that I had to restart Firefox - several times.
~ Enjoy peaceful time relaxing with my two snuggly tabby cats, Tom & Jerry.
~ Watch way too much TV.
~ Fall in love with "Eleventh Hour" and "Lie to Me" after watching the backlog of them on the DVR.
~ Have a great time with friends at dinners, movies, and such during the week.
~ Finally catch up on entering receipts and bills paid in Quicken.
~ Tell myself that I was going to start my disciplined exercise habit this week - then fail miserably.
~ Brainstorm places where I can take a quick, inexpensive vacation this summer.
~ Talk to my precious little niece about her beach discovery and resulting adoption of Hermie the hermit crab.
~ Get frustrated while browsing for a new place to live come August.
~ Get even more frustrated with apartment maintenance because they "weatherized" by caulking all my windows SHUT!
~ Count to 100 and take deep breaths while explaining to maintenance why they should fix their "weatherizing" mistake. Somehow they didn't see the problem?!
~ Do and put away way too many loads of laundry (I was slightly behind.)
~ Wish that I had a few more days off.

What did you "not" do this week? I'd love to hear about it!

P.S. My Monday "theme" is a little up in the air right now. I've seen this on various blogs and it always makes me chuckle, so I thought I'd give it a try! :-) However, most weeks my life is fairly monotonous, so perhaps Monday's themes will rotate!

Friends, Friends, Friends!

Three posts in two days - I am on a roll!! If you're one of my dear friends who has been with me from the start, please back up a bit and read them all as time allows ... I LOVE the quotes that God used to direct me to His word and better faith over the last few days! Hopefully you'll be happy to hear that I am going to be MUCH more regular in posting now. I've been browsing through a lot of blogs over my spring break and have gotten some great ideas.

~~~~

Now, on to FRIENDS, FRIENDS, FRIENDS!!

Earlier in the month, my precious friend Mary Lee gave me a blog award that just made my day!! Actually it has made my month because I feel so undeserving of her kind words or award. You can visit her here: And Even If... Mary is a wonderful Christian lady whom I've known since sometime in elementary school (so 25 years or so!). My sister babysat her oldest three kids for a few years and then, not being too into the whole babysitting thing, she let me take over her duties when I got old enough. Mary Lee and her kind husband Randy were Sunday School teachers in our youth department and beyond that were absolutely phenomenal blessings in my life. They have been supportive friends, encouraging Christian, and wise counsel over the years. I lost touch with them for several years after college but have been SO blessed to be back in touch. THANKS for the award, Mary!

Now it is MY turn to give the award away to some of my other blogging friends.

The details of blogs chosen for this award: "These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated.

Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.”

I'd like to pass along this award to my eight friends below:

• Commenteri - my friend Terri from Super Summer. She is so much fun to read and always makes me chuckle! I think if we'd ever actually lived near to one another and been able to see each other more than once a year, we would be fast friends! I miss laughing with her!
  
• Musings from a French Fried Texan - my friend Mentanna from growing up. She never ceases to amaze me! She was one of those youth a few years older than me who I always looked up to. One thing I appreciate about Mentanna is that she has never been afraid to be silly - sometimes I wish I could be more like that!
  
• Thoughts I Thunk - my friend Julie from years of Super Summer, YEC, and so much more from my time with BGCT. I don't know how I discovered her blog but her thoughts always draw me closer to our Heavenly Father.
  
• Sturgmom in General - Like Julie, I know Amanda from all my years serving through BGCT. Also like Julie, I stumbled on Amanda's blog in some random way and am so glad I did! Her posts make me think, chuckle, or just have some fun. (Amanda, I think our TV taste might be very similar!)
  
• SchroFamBlog - Another dear woman of God and Christian role model from my youth. I helped (or tried to help) in kindergarten choir with Suzanne for many years and got to know her - her faith and love for the Lord is a constant inspiration to me.
  
• Our Adoption Journey - my friend Melissa from my first few years of teaching. I'm so glad that we've kept in touch! Melissa has two precious little girls (who love my cats) and her family is currently working through the process of adopting a little girl from China. I am so excited to see God at work in their lives!
  
• The Press Family - Ginger is another of my dear friends from my first few years of teaching. She, her husband, and their two little boys currently live in California but are about to relocate to Guam for three years. I am SO sad because I doubt I'll get to see her in all of that time, but at the same time I am so thrilled for what God is going to do in their lives!
  
• Organized Chaos - my friend Cheryl from church growing up. I lost touch with her for almost a decade and thanks to facebook, we are back in touch! What a blessing! I adore Cheryl's blog title and subtitle, mostly because I wish I'd thought of something similar first. :-)
  

And there you have it! There are so many more to whom I could give this award, both friends and friends-I've-not-yet-met. I am in a world of blog bliss lately, because I love finding new blogs and reading people's thoughts, stories, and experiences. However, these are some of my friends whose blogs I frequent the most, and I hope you enjoy them, too! Have a wonderful week in the Lord!
Sheryl

It's a Blogging Party - and You're Invited!!

I am so excited to be a part of my first ever blogging party! I am somewhat new to the blogging scene and still deciding how my little blog will develop over time, but am thrilled to welcome any new readers!

Join in on the party by clicking on the button below and getting the "scoop" from 5 Minutes for Mom! You'll find my own attempts at following the blog party directions interspersed here throughout some quick and basic introductions to my blog and to me.

Now that you've landed on my blog, welcome! The goal of my blog is to share my reflections as I walk down the path of life with God's guidance, and hopefully find many blessings along the way. At times I do better at focusing on the blessings than others, but I am trying! :-)

What I Am Not: mother, wife, business-woman, girlfriend (know anyone? Ha!), runner, crafting queen, insensitive, high-maintenance, thin, wealthy, and more ...

What I Am: Christian, daughter, sister, aunt, granddaughter, friend, single, teacher, organizer, avid reader, hopeful writer, cat-lover ...

Last, a few business tidbits for the blogging party regarding their give-aways. (Yes, they're giving out prizes! Click the button above to find out more!) If I win any of the drawings, here are the prizes I would most enjoy, listed in no particular order:

• Life Journals, given by Mom's Toolbox
• 1 Year membership gift certificate to ListPlanIt.com
• $50 Target Gift Card, given by Agoosa
• Money Games: 85 Ways to Save Money & Attract Abundance (by Randy Petrick), given by It's a Woman's World

If these are unavailable, my back-up choices would be: 123, 120, 126, or 134.

Happy Blogging, everyone!

The Back Side of the Picture

I haven't blogged in awhile. I'd like to blame it on being incredibly busy (which would be accurate) but the more appropriate blame could probably be placed on the fact that God has been murmuring to me, whispering to my heart over the past few weeks and I haven't had human words to pair with the whispers. Forgive me in advance for the lengthy post (brevity has never been a strength), but the words are coming, at last:

"If you can't pray a door open, don't pry it open." ~ Lyell Rader

When I stumbled across this quotation earlier in the week, I chuckled. It was so short and almost cute in its directness. Yet as the week has gone on I've realized these were some of the very words my human mind needed to grasp hold of and use to point me purposefully into God's Word. This morning, I happened to google Rader's name because I have never heard of him. I found little beyond one additional quote. This time, the quote made me chuckle just because it was another perfect hit:

"Faith grows only in the dark. You've got to trust him when you can't trace him. That's faith." ~ Lyell Rader

Coupling these together makes me wonder - how many times have I tried to "help" God out by prying open a door that He never intended to be open in my life in the first place? I think over the course of the last decade and can't help but recognize that I have probably caused myself a great deal of pain and confusion by my own hand. True, with each struggle comes a lesson learned - but I am convicted to know that I would dare be so confident in my ability to comprehend God's will several steps down the road - so confident, in fact, that I would jump ahead of Him and step into what I "knew" to be the right path. How foolish I have been so many times! Sometimes in small things and sometimes in bigger things, but regardless, how absurd is it to think that I as a mere human could even begin to understand the grandeur and the will of an incomprehensible God!!

Those of you who know my family also know that my Mom and sister are both incredibly talented in almost anything in the creative world - drawing, cross-stitch, knitting, crochet, sewing, and so many more. Their interests are varied, yet their talent is unmistakable. I, on the other hand, am mediocre at best in any of these pursuits. I'd like to say that it's because I don't have the attention span for it and while that may be partially true (I have this need to move through a "to do" list quickly - long craft projects tend to bore me after a few days), I think that the real reason is because I am way too much a perfectionist. I have a hard time tackling projects with real commitment when I don't think the end result will be "good enough."

Hmmmm....I wonder - how often do I approach life this way? Only adopting pursuits I feel confident I can achieve? Deciding for myself which paths I think are best for me and then trekking off in that direction, even if it means prying open closed doors? Saying that I have faith in God, and yet somehow not having enough faith in myself to rest peacefully in the faith of life laid in the Master's Hands? Needing to understand to the point that the first glimmer I have that a certain path might be the way to go, I take off down that road without a backward glance, perhaps never noticing that there was a detour full of open doors that was my real path?

It reminds me of a story I heard somewhere along the way growing up, and goes back to the whole "crafty" side of things. One craft that I do enjoy occasionally in very small doses (we're talking bookmark-sized doses) is cross-stitching. My sister taught me to cross-stitch in one of those far too infrequent adolescent moments when we got along. Now my sister? She hasn't cross-stitched much in several years as her interests have moved on, but she could create a beautiful piece of cross-stitch art. She would take on these massive projects - huge framed works that would take her months to complete. They were impressive. What's interesting, though, is that the backsides of her projects were almost as impressive as the fronts. Don't get me wrong - the picture was still only complete and recognizable on the front. Yet the back was always neat, with precise lines of thread, tidy little knots - uniform in its own methodical way.

My cross-stitch projects? Of course I'm going to be harder on myself than I should, but I will also be honest - you would laugh if you saw the backs. Seriously. You would. The fronts always turn out just as they should. But the backs are a mess! I always tried to start out with neat, uniform rows; but soon enough, the moment would come when I realized that I'd forgotten a stitch and instead of tying off and starting anew with that row, I'd just move directly to it and keep going. My knots have never been stellar and I rarely trusted they would hold so often ran my needle through the past few threads just to reinforce it a little bit before tying off. The result? A hodge podge of messy threads of various colors, a nonsensical jumble of confusion - one that I always made sure to hide with a back of some sort.

That brings me back to the story - it was something about a granddaughter talking to her grandmother about how she was confused in life and just couldn't understand the "big picture" or plan that God had in mind for her. The grandmother picks up her current cross-stitch project and, showing her granddaughter the back side, asks her what she thinks about it. The girl chuckles and says that it's the back so it doesn't matter. The grandmother chuckles before replying that the back definitely matters because without it, the beautiful picture on the front could not exist. Then she pauses before she eloquently begins to weave words together explaining that what we see of our lives is, for the most part, the back side. We see the directions, the beginnings, the endings, sometimes even the messes - and many times we don't understand what we're seeing. Then the grandmother moves on to explain that what God sees is the front side, the beautiful picture of our lives that He is creating. She goes on to say that when we embrace our perspective as it is, God is able to do His work and continue stitching the story of our lives - often giving us glimpses of that "big picture" of the front. Yet too often we get lost in our short-sightedness and grab the needle away from God, making our own stitches and carving our own paths. In all this, God is still willing to work the "big picture" for His good, but perhaps not in the same manner and often requiring the pain of stitches being removed or a longer timeline before certain pieces of the picture are complete.

I always thought this was a beautiful story and now, combining that with these two quotes and the murmurings of my heart, I am so overwhelmed with the wonderful omniscience and perfection of my glorious Savior. I am human, weak and frail ... far too often grabbing the needle and prying open the doors ... may I learn to let go and trust my God who knows far better than I what steps my feet must take. And, on a lighter note, may I embrace my less-than-perfect crafty endeavors for the tiny gems that they are. :-)

~ Father, give me the patience and the faith to let You open the doors, to let You hold the needle, even when I can't follow the pattern or decipher your plan. ~

What Right Have I?

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." ~Melody Beattie

What right have I to complain, to whine, or to feel discouraged? To do so would be to say to God, "I say that I have faith, but I do not fully trust You. This path You've chosen for me is not good enough for me." It would be as if to say, "You do not satisfy - I am looking for contentment in something apart from You."

To look at it that way brings a whole new perspective. I've been struggling through a period of discontent, a phase of impatience with a life that somehow seems to be on "pause." Yet the choice to view my life that way is mine and mine alone - if I choose to "pause" in life because this IS happening or this ISN'T happening, that is my mistake to own. God has passed every single breath, every moment of my life through His loving hands and has gifted me with it - what right do I have to squander it or gripe about the parts of it that I don't particularly like?

Sometimes I wonder if I am the only one who gets stuck in moments of focusing on what I don't have rather than what I do. It's so easy to get off track. Yet I am so blessed. I am healthy. I have a job that I love, even if right now is a stressful time. I was raised by two incredible Christian parents who are still together and who have always sought the best for me and from me. I have a wonderful sister who, in adulthood, has become one of my dearest friends. I have a brother-in-law who looks out for me in his own little "big brother" kind of way, and I have a spunky redheaded niece who makes me laugh and fills my heart with love. I have a loving church family, a home, pets, friends - truly, I have all that I need and much that I want. Why must I focus on what I don't have?

The truth is, I found myself wandering through a number of blogs today that told the stories of people I don't even know. Two recently lost their precious children to illness. One is recovering after a private plane crash caused burns to over 80% of her body. Others are facing family members or friends with illnesses, job losses, or any number of other struggles - yet even still, I was struck by the overwhelming sense of trust in God and surrender to the perfection of His plan no matter what. It put me to shame.

I bought a book Saturday called One Month to Live: Thirty Days to a No Regrets Life. Some in my church are studying it in fellowship groups, but I missed the start of that. I fought the draw to the book at first, thinking the title itself sounded so morbid. Yet God's voice kept pulling me closer and I know He wants me to look at things from a new perspective in coming days. The first line on the back of the book states: "Stop living like it doesn't matter." That just about says it all - I've been living with my finger on the pause button, taking it off for only moments at a time when something I wanted fell into place. It's time that I take my fingers off the controls altogether and fully live life NOW.

Since when?

The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy. ~Jim Rohn

(Picture me, stepping up on my soapbox now. There is no event to prompt my post tonight apart from what I've observed for quite some time now as an epidemic of "non-emotion" in the world around me. It's disturbing me, and tonight I felt the need to share about it.)

Since when has it become such a horrific thought to show emotion, to be sensitive, to be REAL? There seems to be an undercurrent nowadays that says to shed a tear is to be weak. I disagree. Now, I am not talking about a full-out blubbering mess that's embarrassing to all involved. I am talking about that freedom to be genuine with those around you. Some of the people whom I admire the most are ones who aren't afraid to, on occasion, let a tear slide down their cheek if they're touched by something or if they're truly grieved by a situation, whether it be their own or another's. I never have to wonder if those people are putting up a facade with the world - their hearts are transparent. By the same token, people who don't hesitate to laugh whole-heartedly or share their thoughts honestly also seem to be some of the healthiest.

If the standard was applied with balance, perhaps it would be more palatable to me. However, it's not. When's the last time that you saw someone lose his/her temper in public and thought, "My, that person is certainly weak?" Yet in my mind that is as much a weakness (if not more) than someone who shows sensitivity in public. Sensitivity rarely hurts those around you, but anger expressed nearly always does. How can that not be a moment of weakness? People who are confrontational, demeaning, or flat-out rude certainly may earn a reputation for themselves or be called choice names, but the adjective "weak" is rarely tied to them. In my book, those are the first people who should be labeled as weak because their emotional display is wounding through words or actions.

Personal opinions aside, my biggest argument with the push that I see in society to be uncaring and unsympathetic is that it contradicts the Jesus I love with my whole heart. I'll come back later and add in the scripture references to this later, but for now I am just typing what's been rumbling through my heart and mind to share tonight. Jesus wept!! I can think of at least two or three times that Jesus felt and expressed true sorrow - and shock ... He did not wait until He was isolated. He shared that sorrow with those around Him! Jesus got mad in the temple! (notice that it was a righteous anger) Jesus felt alone and abandoned in the Garden. He felt uncertain. Jesus felt disappointment by those closest to Him. Jesus felt and gave love. He felt human emotions and was our model through each and every one.

I'm not saying here that we should walk around showing any one emotion to a drastic extent. Emotion without balance is obviously unhealthy. But God did not create the full realm of emotions for no reason - He is a God of Purpose. I suppose I just wish that when we walk down the street, down the halls at work, through the rooms of the house, we would all have freedom to be truly real with one another.

With that, I'll step down from my soapbox, with a welcoming to you to agree or disagree with me on any or all points. But whatever you do, please just be real. :-)
Much love,
Sheryl