Monday Night Confession

Yes, it has been a long time. I've gotten a few emails wondering. Oops! More than five weeks since I have posted to this blog, and if I am honest with you, actually much longer than that. (That is because I have to "fess up" that the last three weeks of entries were saved in bulk one Saturday when I had some time and set to auto-post. Sorry about that.)

I could tell you that the past 5-8 weeks has been chaotic. This would be true. Unfortunately, it would not be the real reason I haven't posted. There are many people who live lives far busier than my own who still manage to post regularly and integrate it into their daily lives.

So while I am confessing, I might as well be real with you here....

1. I haven't posted because I haven't felt like I really had anything interesting to say.
2. I have become a stubbornly independent person (not always a good thing) - those of you who knew me as a teenager would probably be surprised at how rarely I talk about anything serious with people, even when I know it would be a good thing.
3. I adore writing. Sometimes the easiest and best way for me to think through something is to write it out.
4. Because of #2 & #3, blogging feels at times like I am opening up my heart and soul for everybody to see and that's not exactly a comfortable feeling when I make a habit of not doing that, even when I could/should.
5. Around the time that I dropped off, work got busy. However, I was also involved in a Bible study where God really managed to convict me and batter away at my heart in a profound way. I am still seeking to listen to all that He was/is trying to reveal.
6. That time began with nothing but questions upon questions upon questions. How could I put those here? The only thing harder than sharing so openly is admitting that not only do I not have all the answers, at that particular moment, I didn't have ANY of them.

So, that's it folks. The battered, convicted, and absent heart that rests before you on this page. Now don't feel hurt or think I am suffering, because what God has been revealing to me is a good thing. It's a grand and life-changing thing. It has not come easily, though - it's brought many tears and more than a few humbling moments. It has challenged me to my core. But in it all, I have such a peace in knowing that God holds my every moment in His hands. Even more, God has loved, forgiven, and sought me out! How miraculous is that!!!

If I didn't know it before, this week has proven to me that God is doing a great thing, because I've been under attack with a couple of huge circumstances. Nothing dire or tragic, but certainly ones that I know are re-introduced with the intent to sidetrack me and get my focus off of Christ.

We all have defining moments ... the past two months will certainly be one of mine. Today I could not put any words to it that would do it justice. Someday, perhaps. Until then, I am resting in the faithful hands of my Father and trying not to figure it all out on my own. His answers are so much better. :-)

Until we meet again on these pages, know that I pray for each person who visits these pages - in fact, sometimes I wish there was a higher purpose for these pages like sharing your prayer requests with everyone. May God reveal to you the power of His grace, forgiveness, and love in a mind-blowing way today!!!