A Mix & Match of Thoughts...

"You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what's a life, anyway? We're born, we live a little while, we die. A spider's life can't help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone's life can stand a little of that."
~ E.B. White (Charlotte in Charlotte's Web)

I'll just start out being honest that for some reason, gratefulness for blessings is not coming as easy as it should or as it has. I've nothing to complain about nor anything upsetting me. I'm not even in a particularly bad mood. There's just this little twinge of discontent in the back of my heart and mind this weekend, and though I refuse to relinquish myself to its power, it's there nonetheless. My life is so wonderful and yet it is not where I would imagine or dream it would be at this point, so on occasion, I admit that I get a little wistful about that. God has a great plan for my life and I have faith in it, though. (Sometimes I just wish that I'd get to look into the "viewfinder" to see it with a little more clarity and insight!) Anyway, I thought about not posting tonight but I am really trying to post at least once a week. Besides, I tend to hold myself back from people nowadays (I know - those of you who knew me as a teenager can't even imagine that!) and somehow it's easier here to not hold back - and though the focus of my blog is on blessings, it's also real life. And without the "not so" blessing-filled moments, how do we truly and deeply learn appreciation for the other?

OK, enough of that. In my last post, I talked about resolutions and somewhere in there, God called me to name a blessing for each and every ornament or decoration I packed away from Christmas. Though my home is small and I didn't think I had that many decorations in comparison to some, I had more than I thought! I had random pieces scattered and then my Christmas trees. I am a bit OCD and so my main Christmas tree is always a balanced color theme (silver & blue this year) but then I have a smaller Christmas tree in another room where I put mismatched ornaments, especially those from friends, family, and student over the years. I lost count when I got to 400 and still wasn't even close to done (why did I hang all those tiny silver bells and crosses on the big tree?). But I was committed to what I felt was a true calling from God, and named blessings all the way through. I think they may have gotten a little comical toward the very end, but hey, I was still grateful for even the laughs. :-) I liked two things about doing this. First, it made taking down the Christmas decorations nearly as fun as putting them up - that's a new thing for me! Second, it really did help me think about all the blessings of 2008 and life in general in preparation for looking toward 2009. I think I'll continue to do this. I was wishing in the midst of it that I had other family members to help me with it ... or that perhaps somehow my cat vocalizations could count as well ... but I needed this new tradition. I can't wait to someday start it when I am surrounded by more.

That brings me to the quotation with which I began. As I was naming my blessings, so many friends' names, both past and present, came to mind. I thought about the many who have been tremendous friends to me and lifted my life a little (or a lot) over the years - either by helping me or letting me help them. God has allowed my life's path to cross with so many phenomenal people and I could never fully express my gratitude to each and every one. So to all of you who have blessed my life with your beloved friendship, know that my heart is a thankful one.