What Right Have I?

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." ~Melody Beattie

What right have I to complain, to whine, or to feel discouraged? To do so would be to say to God, "I say that I have faith, but I do not fully trust You. This path You've chosen for me is not good enough for me." It would be as if to say, "You do not satisfy - I am looking for contentment in something apart from You."

To look at it that way brings a whole new perspective. I've been struggling through a period of discontent, a phase of impatience with a life that somehow seems to be on "pause." Yet the choice to view my life that way is mine and mine alone - if I choose to "pause" in life because this IS happening or this ISN'T happening, that is my mistake to own. God has passed every single breath, every moment of my life through His loving hands and has gifted me with it - what right do I have to squander it or gripe about the parts of it that I don't particularly like?

Sometimes I wonder if I am the only one who gets stuck in moments of focusing on what I don't have rather than what I do. It's so easy to get off track. Yet I am so blessed. I am healthy. I have a job that I love, even if right now is a stressful time. I was raised by two incredible Christian parents who are still together and who have always sought the best for me and from me. I have a wonderful sister who, in adulthood, has become one of my dearest friends. I have a brother-in-law who looks out for me in his own little "big brother" kind of way, and I have a spunky redheaded niece who makes me laugh and fills my heart with love. I have a loving church family, a home, pets, friends - truly, I have all that I need and much that I want. Why must I focus on what I don't have?

The truth is, I found myself wandering through a number of blogs today that told the stories of people I don't even know. Two recently lost their precious children to illness. One is recovering after a private plane crash caused burns to over 80% of her body. Others are facing family members or friends with illnesses, job losses, or any number of other struggles - yet even still, I was struck by the overwhelming sense of trust in God and surrender to the perfection of His plan no matter what. It put me to shame.

I bought a book Saturday called One Month to Live: Thirty Days to a No Regrets Life. Some in my church are studying it in fellowship groups, but I missed the start of that. I fought the draw to the book at first, thinking the title itself sounded so morbid. Yet God's voice kept pulling me closer and I know He wants me to look at things from a new perspective in coming days. The first line on the back of the book states: "Stop living like it doesn't matter." That just about says it all - I've been living with my finger on the pause button, taking it off for only moments at a time when something I wanted fell into place. It's time that I take my fingers off the controls altogether and fully live life NOW.

Since when?

The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy. ~Jim Rohn

(Picture me, stepping up on my soapbox now. There is no event to prompt my post tonight apart from what I've observed for quite some time now as an epidemic of "non-emotion" in the world around me. It's disturbing me, and tonight I felt the need to share about it.)

Since when has it become such a horrific thought to show emotion, to be sensitive, to be REAL? There seems to be an undercurrent nowadays that says to shed a tear is to be weak. I disagree. Now, I am not talking about a full-out blubbering mess that's embarrassing to all involved. I am talking about that freedom to be genuine with those around you. Some of the people whom I admire the most are ones who aren't afraid to, on occasion, let a tear slide down their cheek if they're touched by something or if they're truly grieved by a situation, whether it be their own or another's. I never have to wonder if those people are putting up a facade with the world - their hearts are transparent. By the same token, people who don't hesitate to laugh whole-heartedly or share their thoughts honestly also seem to be some of the healthiest.

If the standard was applied with balance, perhaps it would be more palatable to me. However, it's not. When's the last time that you saw someone lose his/her temper in public and thought, "My, that person is certainly weak?" Yet in my mind that is as much a weakness (if not more) than someone who shows sensitivity in public. Sensitivity rarely hurts those around you, but anger expressed nearly always does. How can that not be a moment of weakness? People who are confrontational, demeaning, or flat-out rude certainly may earn a reputation for themselves or be called choice names, but the adjective "weak" is rarely tied to them. In my book, those are the first people who should be labeled as weak because their emotional display is wounding through words or actions.

Personal opinions aside, my biggest argument with the push that I see in society to be uncaring and unsympathetic is that it contradicts the Jesus I love with my whole heart. I'll come back later and add in the scripture references to this later, but for now I am just typing what's been rumbling through my heart and mind to share tonight. Jesus wept!! I can think of at least two or three times that Jesus felt and expressed true sorrow - and shock ... He did not wait until He was isolated. He shared that sorrow with those around Him! Jesus got mad in the temple! (notice that it was a righteous anger) Jesus felt alone and abandoned in the Garden. He felt uncertain. Jesus felt disappointment by those closest to Him. Jesus felt and gave love. He felt human emotions and was our model through each and every one.

I'm not saying here that we should walk around showing any one emotion to a drastic extent. Emotion without balance is obviously unhealthy. But God did not create the full realm of emotions for no reason - He is a God of Purpose. I suppose I just wish that when we walk down the street, down the halls at work, through the rooms of the house, we would all have freedom to be truly real with one another.

With that, I'll step down from my soapbox, with a welcoming to you to agree or disagree with me on any or all points. But whatever you do, please just be real. :-)
Much love,
Sheryl

More news on baby Garrett

As of today, Garrett is still doing OK, but please keep him in your prayers. He still has a very long road ahead. He's such a tiny little thing ... notice the syringe in the top of the picture. His Mommy is doing really well today. If you would like to join in the prayer journey for this precious little boy in coming days, here is their blog address: http://icenhower-family.blogspot.com/

Many thanks to you all for your prayers,
Sheryl

Life is Precious and Sweet

I know my previous post was just last night and I rarely post again so quickly, but tonight I find myself drawn to remind you all that life is so precious and sweet.

I had a meeting this afternoon and when I got out of it, I received a voicemail letting me know that a friend was being taken in for an emergency c-section. My friend is only 25 weeks along and a very high risk pregnancy, so I was instantly in prayer and headed to the hospital in downtown Dallas. I knew that the doctors would not make a decision to deliver so early unless the situation was extreme.

I arrived after she was already in delivery, and only 10 or so minutes later, they were out to report. Praise the Lord, both baby and Mom made it OK. The precious new life welcomed into the world weighs in at just 1 pound, 5 ounces, and he is about 12 inches long. If you're having trouble connecting that size to anything tangible, try grabbing one of the 20 oz. bottles of soda like you'd get on your way through the checkout line at the grocery store - and you're just about there.

At the moment, the new mommy is doing all right, and the baby is in NICU. They've put the little tube in his umbilical cord to provide nutrition and have him on a respirator, but amazingly enough, he came out crying! Can you even imagine?

I am completely overwhelmed by God's arms of protection around this family, and pray His continuing watchcare over them. It will be a long road ahead for my friend, her husband, and their entire family - but for tonight I am thanking God for this precious gift of life. It so very easily could have taken any number of other turns this afternoon, and I am beyond grateful that God knew all along that January 23 and not May 3rd would be the birthdate for His beloved creation. What a powerful reminder of how precious and sweet life truly is.

~Thank you, God, for taking care of my sweet friend and her baby. Please hold them close to you tonight and in coming days. May we all be reminded in each moment how incredibly precious the life You give truly is.~

This Week's "Ouch!!"

"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others." ~ Peace Pilgrim

This week has been somewhat of an "ouch" for me. God's speaking to me. Yet instead of a gentle whisper, this week has been all about the "elbow jab" approach. You know what I mean ... those times when you and a friend are seated alongside one another and out of nowhere, you feel that elbow jab into your side.

I much prefer the gentle whisper, but (sigh) I know myself, and sometimes I get so caught up in the doing or so independent that I know I need the shock value of that jab to catch my focus. There's been nothing major - just some shifting in attitudes as I've allowed the doldrums to set in a bit this past week. Also, a few jabs have been wonderful reminders of many blessings around me and the wonderful love of God. Life is good. Even when...

The quote above struck me tonight because one jab this week that I've had is that although I have honestly felt at peace, there has been some unrealized discord inside. How do I know? Well, most of you who know me know that I really, really do NOT like conflict. I will typically go out of my way to avoid it. But that doesn't mean that I don't feel it. Yet this week I have continually found myself feeling irritated or impatient with people who normally don't bring that out in me. Thankfully my conflict-avoidance kept any reactions and thus embarrassment on my part in check, because honestly there is really no explanation for my annoyance.

Then I read this quote and had an "a-ha" with a twist. I say that because I think that, in truth, the introductory clause SHOULD read "When you find peace within God..." because He's honestly the only true source of peace. Peace within myself comes and goes because I'm so very human - I can only place my trust and therefore only find peace in God.

So obviously my inexplicable impatience has a root in something out of kilter with my Precious Savior. Thank goodness He loves me still and nurtures me even when I feel a total grump. My prayer tonight is that I will fully trust in God and that wonderful peace I've allowed to slip through my fingers in the past week or so will wrap itself around me once again.

What about you? Has God been "elbow jabbing" you, trying to get your attention? Has He been gently whispering in those quiet moments? I am praying, too, that He will bring to you His total and unfathomable peace today.

Much love,
Sheryl

A Mix & Match of Thoughts...

"You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what's a life, anyway? We're born, we live a little while, we die. A spider's life can't help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone's life can stand a little of that."
~ E.B. White (Charlotte in Charlotte's Web)

I'll just start out being honest that for some reason, gratefulness for blessings is not coming as easy as it should or as it has. I've nothing to complain about nor anything upsetting me. I'm not even in a particularly bad mood. There's just this little twinge of discontent in the back of my heart and mind this weekend, and though I refuse to relinquish myself to its power, it's there nonetheless. My life is so wonderful and yet it is not where I would imagine or dream it would be at this point, so on occasion, I admit that I get a little wistful about that. God has a great plan for my life and I have faith in it, though. (Sometimes I just wish that I'd get to look into the "viewfinder" to see it with a little more clarity and insight!) Anyway, I thought about not posting tonight but I am really trying to post at least once a week. Besides, I tend to hold myself back from people nowadays (I know - those of you who knew me as a teenager can't even imagine that!) and somehow it's easier here to not hold back - and though the focus of my blog is on blessings, it's also real life. And without the "not so" blessing-filled moments, how do we truly and deeply learn appreciation for the other?

OK, enough of that. In my last post, I talked about resolutions and somewhere in there, God called me to name a blessing for each and every ornament or decoration I packed away from Christmas. Though my home is small and I didn't think I had that many decorations in comparison to some, I had more than I thought! I had random pieces scattered and then my Christmas trees. I am a bit OCD and so my main Christmas tree is always a balanced color theme (silver & blue this year) but then I have a smaller Christmas tree in another room where I put mismatched ornaments, especially those from friends, family, and student over the years. I lost count when I got to 400 and still wasn't even close to done (why did I hang all those tiny silver bells and crosses on the big tree?). But I was committed to what I felt was a true calling from God, and named blessings all the way through. I think they may have gotten a little comical toward the very end, but hey, I was still grateful for even the laughs. :-) I liked two things about doing this. First, it made taking down the Christmas decorations nearly as fun as putting them up - that's a new thing for me! Second, it really did help me think about all the blessings of 2008 and life in general in preparation for looking toward 2009. I think I'll continue to do this. I was wishing in the midst of it that I had other family members to help me with it ... or that perhaps somehow my cat vocalizations could count as well ... but I needed this new tradition. I can't wait to someday start it when I am surrounded by more.

That brings me to the quotation with which I began. As I was naming my blessings, so many friends' names, both past and present, came to mind. I thought about the many who have been tremendous friends to me and lifted my life a little (or a lot) over the years - either by helping me or letting me help them. God has allowed my life's path to cross with so many phenomenal people and I could never fully express my gratitude to each and every one. So to all of you who have blessed my life with your beloved friendship, know that my heart is a thankful one.

Pause to be Grateful

"Count your blessings. Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play, and you will finally be able to move forward the life that God intended for you with grace, strength, courage, and confidence"
~ Og Mandino

I have an issue with New Year's Resolutions. I suppose that I always have, but for some reason, this year it has really exploded in my mind as the end of 2008 approached. Don't get me wrong - I am all for self-improvement. I think that we will always be "works in progress" until the very last day of our lives. God will always have a new work to do in us for as long as we're seeking Him. My problem with resolutions is two-fold: First, why do we limit ourselves to one time of year to set all these life-changing goals? I don't know about you, but I tend to set such big or such numerous goals that I am bombarded and despite my great intentions, I typically fall short on most of my resolutions after a few weeks. Why can't we learn from the futility of past year's resolutions and change the way that we approach them? This year, I think I will try that. I'm going to try "new month resolutions" as each month changes. I'll let you know how it goes.

My second problem with resolutions at the start of a new year is probably the bigger of the two, and it is that the whole atmosphere of making them seems so negative. It's almost this air of "here is everything I hate about my life right now and how I am going to fix it." Again, don't get me wrong - I think change and improvement are good things. Yet it seems that any reflection on all that is GREAT in our lives is missing. We spend all this time talking about the goals we have for 2009, and in doing so, 2008 gets swept under the rug with nary a second glance. Why can't our resolutions, in whatever form they may take, begin with a "time out" of sorts to reflect upon all the blessings that were a part of our lives in the past year? Imagine what power that simple act of savoring the good could have in starting our years with hearts truly readied to approach new goals because they are fueled with joy and hope!!

So my first resolution will be to do just that. I've finally dragged all the Christmas decoration containers in from the garage, and am ready to tackle that mammoth task. I'm going to enjoy a quiet house while I work and allow my heart to be still before God. For each ornament or decoration I place into its container, may I name a blessing in my life. Through it may I gain a right perspective and appreciation for 2008, and sift through priorities to know what goals God has for me in 2009.

With that, I wish you a Happy New Year a couple of days late, and leave you with my prayer for you, borrowed from an Irish Blessing:

May your days be many and your troubles be few.
May all God's blessings descend upon you.
May peace be within you may your heart be strong.
May you find what you're seeking wherever you roam.